Today is the last episode of our newly revamped, updated and rerecorded series the Why Vegan series. One of the most popular series on the show which because of new research and how quickly things change when it comes to animal agriculture, new health outcomes linked to vegan diets, new information on the the use of environmental resources, and more, I love to from time to time give it a big update, and this one this year was the biggest one yet. In this last episode, we’ll be exploring a personal and more selfish motivation, that I found so linked to my own reason why.

Although not my motivation originally, it came to me as an unexpected gift and side effect of making this change, which is why I always include it. There are many reasons why so many people make the change to a vegan lifestyle and to eating plant based, we can start with what are known as the big 3: animals, our health and the environment, all of which we’ve covered in this series. I always add a 4th that I don’t understand why is slightly less known, its impact on our fellow human beings (we covered this in our last episode, and finally, today, I close off this series in talking about our relationship with food, with our values, our connection to animals and other things of a more personal nature. I left this one for last for a few reasons. The first one is that I think our health why, animal protection why, our environmental protection why and our humankind why are much more important and urgent. These were the why’s that made me go vegan, but I think this fifth one was the why that in part helped me stay vegan.

It’s what happened to me when I went from being a consumer who just didn't know, to being an informed consumer. Something very important happened to me when I became vegan and especially when I found out about the truth behind the foods I was consuming. I became so much more conscious about the products I bought, and I became more connected to the world around me, and to my body as well. Similar to the process you go through when you practice mindfulness, it was in a way going from automatic choices and consumption to awareness, in so many aspects of my life.

This had to do with how great I started feeling physically after going vegan (more energy, better sleep, my hormones finally regulated after years of struggle, improved blood markers and more), but it also had to do with an emotional change. It's hard to explain, but I felt more grounded, I felt more connected to animals (even my own companion animals), and I got a better understanding of how my place in this world can help it or harm it. It also made me feel powerful in knowing that individuals can make a difference. My mother, who fought for workers rights and human rights always used to tell me that individuals can make such a difference and I had felt so disempowered before. I never understood that on such a deep level until I went vegan, and this, very selfishly, made me feel excited and motivated.

I had also struggled in my past with my food choices, with my body image and with my relationship with food, in moments that went from what felt like out of control eating, occasional binges, overeating and especially emotional eating (emotional eating is a normal part of eating but I’m referring to a consistent use of food to self soothe, and the only outlet to self soothe), and after being in this cycle for a while, a quick swing of the pendulum into a lot of restriction, chronic fad dieting, and trying to control my food. I’ve done so much internal work to heal this, both from understanding what drove this cycle, to healing from the tough circumstances I had growing up with a lot of anxiety and fear with a qualified therapist, to doing a lot of work to heal my body image as well and finding new ways to talk to and relate to my body. In my case specifically (and please keep in mind that any restriction such as the inherent restriction present within a vegan diet can have a different effect if you’re struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder, more on this in a bit) going vegan was the first little step into healing the chaotic relationship I had with food because for the first time, it meant that my food choices impacted someone else, not only me. Food went from only being the source of anxiety relief, or the source of more anxiety in becoming only calories and grams, to something much bigger than me. It became a stance, an adventure, a passion, delicious, my mindset shifted from can I have this or not (ironic because this is the opposite of what people think when they hear the word vegan) to making sure I was feeding myself enough, and well, and filling all my nutrient needs.

Veganism wasn't the end all cure all for this, and it wasn’t a magic bullet, it certainly wasn’t the end of the road because of course I’ve had ups and downs with food through the years because life is filled with ups and downs, but it certainly got me started towards a path of more conscious awareness, and mindful eating in its essence. It was as if I had suddenly taken the red pill from the Matrix and I could see myself and food from a completely different perspective. What a gift to suddenly have such a shift that you can not only “see” but that you can also experience and practice every day as you’re seeing it. Going vegan and eating in this way started to help me get back in touch with my body's cues, and turned me into a thoughtful and mindful eater instead of an automatic eater and consumer that was always in a fight with food.

Veganism also got me back in the kitchen with even more excitement, and as you well know, it became such a big passion and such a huge part of my life. One of the reasons why I love to teach cooking is because I firmly believe that the preparing of food, the shopping for ingredients, the chopping, the simmering, the smelling and tasting, all of that brings you closer to food in a new way, and if you’re open to it, it can be a very healing experience of transforming what can be a place of fear and anxiety and overly worrying into a very slow and conscious act of settling into the moment of eating. So cooking can also help you improve your relationship with food.

This new way of eating brought some challenges especially in the social aspects of being vegan. Believe it or not I'm a total introvert and I don't really like the spotlight, being at the receiving end of questions or comments was very weird for me. I hate disappointing people, I’m a bit of people pleaser, I hate it when people are mad at me, but that part of the story had a happy ending, because after years of struggling with my self confidence, eating vegan was the little push I needed, that figurative push into the deep end of the pool, after which I developed something I hadn't even realized I needed, and that was confidence.  Confidence in sticking up for myself, confidence in being the odd one out (which when I look back at my life I have always been sort of the odd one out even though I resisted it like nothing else!).

With every question I had to answer, and every time someone asked me why I wasn't eating meat, fish, dairy or eggs, I was forced to be myself, and to say why this was important to me when they asked, and most importantly, I learned to be comfortable in my own skin, even when I was surrounded with friends and family who made completely different choices. Just for a little backstory, I grew up in a one parent household in a community where this was unheard of, with a mom who had a severe chronic illness and disability, I didn't grow up with a dad (to the extent that I couldn’t even answer questions about him when asked), I was very short (still am but I kind of love it now because Carlos towers over me like a big bear), I struggled with bullying, I wore braces and glasses, and was a good student and loved to read and was bad at sports and all I wanted when I was little and a teenager was to be like everyone else. But I wasn't like everyone else, I was unique as we all are, and veganism helped me make my peace with that. Then, I got an even bigger surprise. I noticed that once my confidence was up, I didn't really feel that different to others, because I realized that the people around me would still be there even if I was myself, and that everyone is going through something they’re sort of trying to hide under the bed that makes them different.

Eating vegan also made me face a struggle I have with perfectionism, and falling down the very erroneous trap that eating vegan is about eating pure, and never having a misstep. These issues (and therapy) helped me find another way. Not only another way to eat vegan, but another way to talk about veganism, one that isn't centered on perfection and one that allows for many steps sideways, steps back, eating non vegan birthday cake when we couldn't resist and then realizing we're just human and we can continue walking this path right afterwards, learning what had to be learned. One that allows for people to go at this at their own pace, respecting their own boundaries and situations. Understanding that it's not being a perfect vegan that's important, it's not even about being vegan in and of itself. It's about doing our best to help, help the animals, our environment, ourselves and our fellow beings, it’s about that kindness filter I always talk about that you can choose to see your choices through before you make them, and that you can renew every day.

I'm not saying that veganism is the magic solution for confidence and self esteem, or for resolving our relationships with food and body for good for every single person, or for curing our need for perfection or our social anxieties. We're all different. Especially if you feel that you’re having struggles with disordered eating, are in the early stages of recovery, or think you might have an eating disorder, getting help before attempting any new dietary change is what I always recommend, so that if and when you decide to do it you have support by a qualified team. Also remember that you can make so many vegan choices and changes for animals that don’t include changes in your diet. All journeys are different, and I know that each person is going to go on their own journey with eating vegan in a different way, and although eating vegan simply means eating vegan, one question that has always helped me in my own life is to ask myself about any changes I’m making (food, exercise, lifestyle), is if the change is something that can accompany me for life. Can I see myself with these habits I currently have in place throughout the different seasons and moments of my life. I know I’ve hit a place that has gotten unhealthy when the deep intuition I have when asking myself this question is no or gives me anxiety. If in your vegan journey you’re feeling this way when it comes to your relationship with food, ask yourself what you would need to feel more at ease and for these changes to accompany you in your life, and not have it be something you’re gripping and chasing and that can’t be sustainable. I also like to ask myself if the way I’m eating or the choices I’m making are making me feel discomfort, or are isolating me, or a lot of self critical voices are attached, and if the answer to any of those is yes, I then ask myself “what can I do to give myself more space and more comfort during this process. By this, in my case (and it could be different in yours), it doesn’t mean not being vegan, it means that within what my value systems are, and this big change I want to achieve, what can I shift to make the ride something that can accompany me for a lifetime.

Back to all the positive gifts that came with veganism, it wasn’t that it gave me all these things as if by magic. Eating vegan gave me the awareness, like a key to open a door I hadn’t walked through before. Then I had to do the actual walking, and learn lots of tools along the way, many of which fill this podcast, the content in our school, the things I share in our student community and in our content. That question though of “the way I’m doing things, can I see myself in this place, with comfort, for years to come”, has been such a guiding light. We often don’t realize how many things we’ve added on top of veganism to make the path so much more difficult and stressful, or that we’re doing something in a way that isn’t working for us but there’s something else we could try. Know that there are so many ways and steps we can take to make this fit with comfort into your life and without obsession or perfection.

Last but not least, the connection to the animals, and by extension to values I hold, of non-violence, of respect, of seeing animals as sentient beings who have the right to live life without the systematic abuse we put them through. This one is so hard to explain I’ll only say that there was a before and after in the way I actually saw animals, how I saw their habits, their own lives, their little bodies. How I felt when I saw them. Connected.

All of the aspects to my own change that I’ve mentioned today gave me greater awareness, they made me mindful of my consumer choices, they gave me my voice back, they helped me work on the quest for perfectionism that was so painful in my case, they helped me find a more peaceful place with food, taking it back to a place of enjoyment, fun, play and also nourishment, where I can take care of myself, make an effort to make good choices and notice when I’m feeling off balance, but where this taking care of myself no longer becomes obsessive or a constant back and forth in a very painful pendulum swing.

It might be different for you, and there are certainly many things we can do to help the journey along, and what works for one person isn’t necessarily what will work for you, and you will make readjustments and learn throughout this process until you find your comfort zone, but for me, veganism was and is such a guiding light, it’s one of the most special things I’ve done in my life, and I hope it accompanies me and you if this is your wish too, for many or all our years to come.

I can’t thank you enough for listening to this very tough series in the podcast. It was tough for me! So well done for getting through it. Make sure to share these episodes with anyone you know who has asked you questions, who is inspired to make some changes and needs support, and I’ll see you in our next episode.